Being a free spirit and adventurous in Ghana is kind of hard when you are lady. Its like society expects somethings from you when you hit your twenties- marriage! It’s hard to find a lady in her twenties who doesn’t have thoughts of marriage or desperate about marriage. Growing up in a society where girls are taught that without a man you are not complete and an independent successful woman is not an achievement without a man in her life. It isn’t surprising that young girls are obsessed about marriage and being in a relationship before they hit their thirties. Here there is nothing like free-spirited lady who want to be adventurous and explore the world; to the Ghanaian society you are a failure without a man.
Girls are so obsessed with marriage that when they are in a relationship with a guy for sometime they start asking the guy when he will marry them as she feels she is growing old even when the girl is as young as 25. There are those who think marriage is so scarce that when they are in a relationship with an abusive man, they will never leave as the guy has promised to marry them. What most Ghanaian girls will endure for that ring on the finger will shock you. There are those girls who will stick with one guy even though they are aware he has other girls in his life, its like a competition for that ring.
There is one time where I lived in the same house with a guy whom two of his girlfriends clashed at his apartment one evening. It was a chaos scene with a fight breaking out between the girls whilst the guy was indoors playing video games unbothered. I was expecting both girls to leave that instance and go to their various homes and break up with the loser , shockingly both of them stayed and spent the night together in the same room. For like three days they competed from each cooking their own meal in the kitchen to serve the guy. It was like a drag race. I just watched overwhelmed at how they still stayed when it was obvious that he lied and was cheating on each of them with the other. Not able to contain my curiosity I asked one of the girls why she hasn’t left when I met her at the kitchen one afternoon, what she said in reply to my question left me in awe. she said and I quote ‘ finding a man in Ghana is hard and since the guy hasnt broken up with her, she wouldn’t leave but still stay to appeal to the guy, at the end of the day he will choose who he likes best and it could be her he would marry’. She was just 26 years who could have explored life at that age and see her chances whist weighing her options but society had taught her that at that age she was far over due for marriage.
Most guys realising this, have used it as venture to win girls often with the line ‘I will marry you’ and bam they have sex and dump them, its like the line to use when you want a lady in your bed. Some guys even feel they are doing the ladies a favour by marrying them due to how desperate most girls are to be socially acceptable and enviable among her friends. When a young lady is making it in life, the first question people ask in Ghana is if she was married. There is this local Ghanaian quote which says ‘ a ladies pride lies in marriage’. It is of no wonder that ladies aren’t encouraged to reach higher levels of education in Ghana like men. It’s mostly the determined ones and those who have slightly been exposed to the western culture. Many local people in Ghana believe the girls place is normally the kitchen and having kids that a few years ago girls were not being enrolled in schools, till an advocate agency fought for the rights of the girl child to equally experience education as men.
With marriage being obsessed by young girls in Ghana people are shocked when they have conversations with me concerning that and I don’t have it in my plans currently. They are like ‘ what are waiting for’ and am like ‘I want to explore life and weigh out my options and see what I wanna be’ i further explain i not wanting to be the traditional house wife like most Ghanaian ladies where their life revolve around marriage and childbirth and that i wanna be free like a bird till i feel am ready and even not to a person who wants to be the traditional wife. Well there will end the conversation with the person shaking his head with the bold ones telling me am crazy.
Maybe I am crazy, as I don’t see why marriage should be fixed at an age and the presence of a man completing a ladies life and that a lady cannot be equally succesful as a man in Ghana. I think marriage shouldnt happen because society wants you to and not cause you want to, but it seems that’s what happens in Ghana, marrying to fit in society .
Here girls arent supposed to dream but when they dream their dreams are not being successful and setting goals for themselves but dreams about meeting a man to put the ring on their finger…whew am speechless!!!