I have been an introvert all my life, i don’t know when or how it started but i just know am not the out doorsy type. I do remember part of it was from my mom when she found problems with my friends growing up and she thought they were bad influence to me as many African parents. I started spending more time at home behind the TV and not visiting friends. So my friends stopped being friends with me that as time went on,i got used to being alone. Growing up i have been that girl who always goes home after school and after work.I have been that girl who can be indoors all day and never bore out. I have been that girl whose friends are the laptop,phone and books. I am that girl that stays home on Christmas and weekends just coxing out in my comfort zone. Over the years i have curled up and motivated myself with the phrase ‘staying home means less trouble bullshit’.Well it has built up and my depression is taking a toil on me.
I am not overcoming my depression due to the fact that am most times left on my own and i mostly have no one to talk and all loved ones are half way across the world which means i cant get to talk to them all the time.I have tried making friends but i have forgotten what friendship is like,i mostly wonder- what do i tell them?,how do i hang out with with them? and mostly i turn out to be a bore and the the new friendship dies.Due to my multiple times of being depressed i need people around me i could talk to but i forgot how to do all those stuff and not turn out a bore. I am currently even bored out out by the things that gives me company that its beginning to affect me psychologically since i have gotten sensitive to most things emotionally .
So I ask myself how do start being friends with others than myself?, how will i get the courage of socializing without feeling empty.? how do i veer out of my comfort zone without hesitating.i know if i dont start soon,my depression will eat up into me and i wouldn’t be able to control those suicidal thoughts when they come knocking on my door. All of this is a new thing to me,the act of letting people in, that i have decided to take it slow one at a time.I am considering getting a pet,maybe if am able to cope with it and let it in, could be able to let other people in. it gonna be hard but such is the life of a depressed introvert who has always have to battle with her thoughts.