I remember those screams vividly,the broken plates,scattered room,broken chair ,the verbal abuse and the blood.That was often what happened between step dad and mum.I would try to separate the fight but i was two powerless in the situation. Just a 12 year old ,i would just be shoved aside to attend to my crying sister.I will watch step dad curl up his hands into a fist with an angry look and his mustache scary like a murderer bouncing like a boxer in a ring who is competing for a medallion aiming at where to hit mum.
‘wham’ landed the blow on mum upper lips,splat went the blood. I bit on my lower lips scared for her but she wasn’t for herself, mum picked up the iron ‘smack’ on step dad bald head,it was funny at the expression on his face and the shriek he let out like a frightened girl. From where i was standing i could see it carved a slight hole,mum knew if she didn’t escape he will beat the hell out of her.As a bolt of lighting she run out the room whilst step dad examined his cut in the mirror.I stood there looking at him overly happy he got hurted and he let his anger out on me ‘what do you think you looking at fatty? i run out after mum not ready to be his next punching bag.
There was mum sitting behind our house with a bruised up face and a swollen upper lip. I just looked at her knowing very well not to say anything but just to boil hot water and attend to her wounds as i always have. In my mind i wondered when she will walk out of the abusive marriage or when she will learn to keep quiet and not annoy him and turn a blind eye to his cheating. But mum wasn’t that type which ended up in her getting beaten all the time. She vest her anger on me out of frustration and desperation which contributed to the already rough childhood i was having.
With step dad and mum i have seen it all and learnt most things that people i meet say i sound matured than my age but its life experiences that taught me. Step dad was the kind who goes to work straight for a month and when he gets enough money stays home for the next month to spend the money and only go back to work when he needed more. He didn’t give a care about my step siblings ,their tuition or upkeep,it was always mom and aside that he was a proficient cheater waving it in mum face .He didn’t care how old or young the lady was all he cared about is she being able to ‘receive his blessed dick’ as he called it. Every neighborhood we moved to he will find a lady there which really worried mum. He would set up shops for them whilst he never contributed a dime to mum business nor his children up keep and when mum complains’wham goes the slap on her face to shut her up’. I just looked on not interrupting as i was nothing but just a piece of furniture to them, non existent.
Mum was doing okay for her self when she was working and not complaining too much like when she lost her job. She didn’t have money and here was step dad spending on other ladies twice younger than her age and thrice younger than his age. There was times when mum will make me scroll through his contacts to take numbers of ladies on his phone so she would call them and warn them severally to stay away from her husband.When the ladies recounts to step dad he will come home and beat her up badly. later when I to know it was the numbers i took of his phone in his absence that caused the beatings,i didn’t want mum to hurt more that when she tells me to take number i pretend there isn’t any and then the anger will be vested on me.
I remember that one time step dad nearly killed mum.The pictures flashing through my mind everyday,as she was gasping for air when he had his two arms wrapped around her neck squeezing it to take the life out of her reason being mum slapped the college graduate behind our house whom dad was seeing. I looked on with bewilderment at the site that met me in their bedroom and the sounds of my sister wailing.i didn’t know the strength that entered me then to bounce on him and bite his neck which only let him go of mum.she sat up straight in bed crying .Well step dad wanted me out of the house the next day and i was surprised mum didn’t raise up to my defense when i did what mattered that evening to save her life.All she said was ‘nana go to auntie Theresa place for a while you know how he is when he gets crazy’ i just looked at her with my mouth agape surprised and just walked off with my bag.
It was one hell of an abusive marriage. But mum still hanged on,hoping it will work out but it never did from worse to worse and they arguing like cat and dogs.She just wanted to be married to make up for my dad who didn’t marry her as marriage was some kind of achievement in our Ghanaian society.
I had a call from mum last night,with joy in a voice making me wonder why, she broke out the news to me she finally divorced step dad. I was surprised and wondered why after all the twenty something years of abuse she is letting go now and if she found someone but all she said was ‘she learnt how to let go’.
Well with mum and step dad you never know and if she really let go am happy for her as beautiful as she is she has the chance of finding love again. but one thing i learnt from mum and step dad was if a man is abusive no matter the number of years you would spend changing him,he will always remain abusive,you gotta let go before you loose your teeth like mum and wear artificial ones and have marks on your body each with a story.
Domestic violence is real and still going on and ladies should learn to live an abusive relationship sooner . And to the men who beat up their fragile wives,why dont you pick on someone your size?
STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!!!!