I remember most times staring at myself in the mirror and not happy at the reflection staring back at me. The stretch marks, the side rolls the kinky African hair the size 8 full-figured body, the huge thighs that rub together and being disgusted at myself simply because the media and society have a standard of beauty and I see myself not close to it as i am not size zero with no flat tummy neither do i have abs.giphy (31).gif

I have gone through countless of weight loss regimes to lose the weight and be the magazine  21st century ideal beauty. I have added relaxers to my hair to make it straight and silky like the Caucasian woman to wearing of corsets which makes my back hurt to the using of every medicine on the counter to treat my stretch marks and not wearing revealing clothes cause really I did think about what people say. I was never comfortable with the size of my boobs neither was i with my body size  i always said to myself i wasn’t beautiful, i think that notion of not been beautiful contributed to my introvert nature and not being a fond of public places.giphy (33).gif

Frankly I hated myself from my 5ft height down to the tip of my size 36 feet. I always had something negative to say about myself from why is my feet so small to how is my stomach never flat like the Instagram beauties. I was that person who really cared about what people will say. I always doubted myself that when someone said i was beautiful i keep asking if it was a form of flattery as i never considered myself to be beautiful. When i walk down the streets and hear people laughing i thought they were laughing at me and when they stare i get really embarrassed. When i post a picture on my Instagram even with all the filters i would apply i will still feel inferior when i scroll down my timeline and see other ladies perfect bodies and beautiful faces.giphy (11)

I knew I was doing a harm to myself that as such a young age i was not experiencing the life i am supposed to live because of my insecurities and i knew i had to work on it but didn’t know where to start from. I remember when i had to cut all my relaxed hair in Dubai cause i had an infection from a relaxer, i would always wear wig caps to cover my hair cause to me i felt it wasn’t to the level of beauty. Even when it grew in length i still wore extensions till i started experiencing this headaches and discomfort when i wear those extensions then i started rocking my natural hair more. I have grown to love my hair and i kept asking myself why don’t  love myself as much as i love my hair but i never had answer to that question.giphy (14)

I woke up one morning going through my Instagram feed and saw this plus size lady not giving a care about her size and living life, it was like a wake up  call to me to love me for me and be my own kind of beautiful as everyone is unique in their own way.  I still live a healthy lifestyle not because I want to lose that weight so much but just because its good to be healthy. I don’t look at the number on the scale no more neither do i exclaim when i that jeans i want isn’t my size because i got a huge thighs. And no i dont suck in anymore to take those pictures. I am beautiful as i amgiphy (32).gif

I am proud today to say i love me more and i know i am beautiful inside out in my own special way. Yeah i have stretch marks, yeah my thighs rub together, yeah i got them big lips, and yeah i got the kinky hair but you know what i am beautiful.

Today am posting a picture to appreciate who i am as a person and being MY OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL. cause you know what, no matter what people gonna judge and self-love is the best therapy for yourself esteem.


Do you have low self esteem? how did you deal with it? Let me know in comments down below.

Until then the wolf is out to loving herself…….

  • Self love is something that a lot of people are struggling with but refuse to talk about. I myself am one of them. When you hear something negative for 18 years, it can be difficult to overcome those negatives and turn it in to a positive. I think you are beautiful, inside and out! I love that you are honest and open for the world to see!

    • I know that feeling of being told negative things about yourself and as time goes on you tend to believe them. I have struggled to accept me for me and not feel lessened among people, there are days when i feel i cant carry on but then i know why i started.I hope one-day you would be able to address your issues and turn it into positivity. You rock girl and none can love you more than you. Thanks for stopping by , it means a lot to me especially realizing i am not alone.

  • I think it’s hard for women in this day because of how exposed we are to media. It can be harmful, but also a really great thing to find people you relate to. We have to remember that we each have our own special characteristics that me us US. We can’t compare ourselves to someone else’s highlight reel, which is all social media can be sometimes. Stay positive girl!

  • Yes, I do have self esteem issues also. A lot of them are disappearing because of my age, but there are some issues I just can’t shake! But, you’re right! You need to get out there and live your life! You are beautiful and just as God intended you to be. And I think we all have stretch marks. I’ve had mine since I was 11!

    • I cant relate more to those issues we cant shake off when you have all those self doubt, i have learnt to embrace and love me for who i am cause really i am my own kind of beautiful.Thanks for stopping by, your comments means a lot.

  • And you look wonderful! We are always our worst critic and the world nowadays is increasing this. You are beautiful and I am glad you share these picture of you! Show the world the real you, the happy you!! You go girlfriend!

    • Thanks girl, i am just overwhelmed at the positive feedback i am getting and i feel confident more than ever. your comment means alot and i appreciate it.

  • Self esteem is something I have battled with since I was younger. For what ever reason, I was always that targeted kid in class that everyone made fun of. 😔 But as I got older, I began to be thankful and appreciative of all the things that make me (belly rolls, cellulite, weak chin and all!) You are beautiful from head to toe girl! And your hair is gorgeous as well…so thick and lush! 😍

    Amber S. |

  • Yes girl! I’m happy to hear you’re starting to feel comfortable in your own skin! You deserve nothing but happiness with your body! Loving yourself is so so important and often gets lost in so many of us!

  • Your hair is stunningly beautiful!! <3

    And yes, self-love is something that is a huge problem for a great percentage of the population on this lovely Earth. Because we compare ourselves to others. We shouldn't but we do. Or rather, it's good that we compare if it serves as a motivation, but not if it makes us feel worthless or inferior. I'm at a point now where I look at people whom I find beautiful and although I sometimes wish I would look more like them, generally speaking, I don't give a damn. Because I don't care what society says as long as I am comfortable in my own body. But I mean, it's not so hard for me because I am rather fond of animals, and they won't care if I dress prettily or look my best. My cat loves me even when I'm looking like a witch, and that's enough. 😉

    • I love your vibe girlfriend…xoxoxo. i used to wish i was beautiful like other people too and this days when i start wishing something reminds me that i am beautiful my own way. i am proud and comfortable in my skin and i am happy you are too. Thanks for stopping by.

  • You should never feel bad about your looks. I always thought I love myself because of the way I am and I look. But it is not true as I started loving myself 💯 times more after I got chicken pox marks. I realized that I love my inner self much much more than outer ones. And I don’t care what other people think about my outer self.

  • I feel you completely… I still struggle a lot with my body image because of my obsessive personality – I wish we could all just put these feelings into something positive and make the world a place where there are no impossible and hurtful beauty standards…

  • I’m glad that you are getting to the other side of that low self-esteem. It took me forty years! Something about aging was magical for me. Even though of course I can look back and see that I was actually beautiful when I was younger.
    As are you. xoxo

  • Like a blog out of my own brain. I have always felt these things and it hasn’t been until I’ve started to teach my daughters to love themselves that I’ve had to learn to be good with me. I’m still not, but I am better than I was.
    Beautiful lady!

  • It’s taken many of us decades to get comfortable in our own skin. I’m also a petite 5′ tall, so I get it! I have to wear flip flops that have some wedge to them even 🙂 But it takes time (and work) to get to a place where we feel good about ourselves; close down the comparisons 🙂

  • Self love is so important! As women, we go through so many stages in feeling comfortable with ourselves and then not feeling. I struggle with certain areas from time to time, mostly my weight. But eventually have periods that I get over it. I’m glad you are feeling good about yourself. Hope it stays this way. 🙂

    • It will stay this way cause really i love this new found confidence that makes me not give a care about other peoples opinion… are beautiful and dont let your weight block that

  • Self love is very important. I too have had negative thoughts about myself before and sometimes it is really hard to get rid of but once you can master how to get rid of them that’s awesome.Great post.

  • I am going through this low self-esteem before. But when I learned to love myself more and more it was so worth it and fulfilling. and I am glad that you are feeling good about yourself.

  • Good on you and well done for being brave and baring all, you are beautiful and telling yourself that is so important, good mental health is important and I truly believe we need to work on the inside, instilling confidence and building ourselves up. I embarked on self love a few months ago and I think it shines through, I only really have myself to depend on in terms of building my confidence up – but its taught me a lot!

  • Good for you! As a woman, it’s so tough sometimes to push those negative thoughts aside, but it’s SO important that we love ourselves for who we are. And I think your hair is awesome. 🙂

  • Beauty is so much about what is on the inside — and you are loved, worthy, and beautiful just as you are. We all walk through moments of doubt, insecurity, and negative thoughts, but it’s important to remind yourself of your worth. Not by the world’s standards, but by God’s. Sending you lots of love.

    • I am happy my little post got to you in a positive way. Just know nobody can love you more than you love yourself , Dont listen to people, their opinions doesn’t matter. just do you girl, its your life, your choice and remember nobody can treat you any less without your permission. Self love is key. xoxxo

  • Way to go girl! Love seeing pics of yourself and you embracing who you’re! I think we all have areas/parts of our body we’re uncomfortable with but I’ve become very confident such that my good areas override the “bad” so no low self-esteem really! 🙂

  • I have dealt with these issues to, I am happy that your learning to love to embrace yourself. You’re a beautiful woman and I pray that you will continue to love yourself just the way that you’re.

    • I pray that i continue to love myself too and that nothing breaks me along the way. thanks for this kind words it means a lot.

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